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Published On: 11/30/2008 12:07 PM
I have never felt comfortable as an adult, infact even at the age of 37 I do not consider myself an adult. I have very little confidence in adult activities, from driving, work, even socializing. If I'm honest I could've quite happily stayed at primary school.
There are a few adult activities I like, but they are very limited (and I am not talking about sex). Basically as a 'man' and an 'adult' I am a little bit like a fish out of water. Whilst I can articulate as a grown up I am very much like a nine year old. I need to be looked after, cared for and loved, not as a guy, but as the little girl I really am.
My desire, my dream, my longing has always been to live as a little girl 24/7, to erase my fading masculinity and embrace the sweet little nine year old girl I am inside completely. To live free of shame and adult responsibilities, to bathe in the innocence of childhood and know that every night I go to sleep, the dawn will be bring another day of dresses and dollies.
I would imagine many sissies feel the same as me. Little girls trapped in adult bodies, wanting to burst free and live in pink frilly paradise.
I sometimes still can't quite believe it that I am a sissy. Not in the OMG why me kind of way, but more in OMG how lucky am I kind of way. I now have to keep trying to engineer a way to live how I want to live. I know living 24/7 won't be possible and as my dear Mummy Sophie once said, to live that way would isolate me from friends and family, I do know I have to find a way to be a little girl as much as possible.
Published On: 08/16/2008 10:29 AM
Oh my, I haven't added an entry in ages!
Well it has been a very up and down period since my last post, but the over riding issue at the moment is my need to dress more often and for longer periods. Being a little girl is such an overwhelming experience and I am finding I want to be a little girl almost all of the time. I am only truly happy as a little girl, as I am sure is the same for most sissies.
In the last couple of years I have taken big steps towards living the lifestyle most suited to who I am and I am almost ready to take the next big steps. And these big steps are getting out into the sissy community, going to sissy partys, meeting other sissies and being with people who understand what it is to be a sissy.
For me being a sissy is so much more then simply wearing frillies, it goes much much deeper and because of that I have always struggled. From realizing that I was a sissy, I began a path of discovery, learning what made me happy and why. Coming to terms with that I could never be a 'man' was tough but at the same time very liberating, it was then a case of adjusting to reality and that too was tough, still is.
But when I am dressed, it all fits into place, the way the skirt of my dress hangs, the way the panties feel, not sexually exciting, but feminizing my tiny bits. The way the ringlets on my wig tickle my shoulder and cheek, the way my socks and shoes feel. How natural it is to wear and use nappies, how natural it is to play with dollies, how natural it is to be a little girl.
And along my path of discovery, I have begun to understand how my sissiness has effected me in the real world. I understand why I have always been so timid inside, I understand why I rarely let people get too close and it makes sence why I don't like sex, or rather why sex for me feels un-natural. It is comforting to know that I have a tiny thingy, that my 'manhood' is just a shriveled, little pee pee. It defines who I am and I love that is small, I only wish it was smaller lol.
Those futile grasps at masculinity, the mask I wear are just constant reminders of the pansy I have become. My need to be a little girl, that strong burning flame in my soul, drives me on and I know as each day follows the last I will become more and more sissy.
Published On: 02/03/2008 05:04 PM
I have a new dolly called Ruthie and she is sooooo cute!!
Published On: 01/01/2008 03:09 PM
Well there goes 2007, I'm sure we will all look back on it for many, many different reasons. For me it was a mixed year, a lot of soul searching and making new friends. But it was a year of getting myself out there in the wide world of sissy!!
Now that 2008 is here, I hope it can be a platform to a better life, not just for me, but everyone. For me however 2008 has to be the year I get my life on track and if I'm honest it will be a different track. To be able to spend more time as the little girl I am inside, to explore my sissiness even more and to be a happy, contented sissy boy.
To all of you out there, best wishes, health and happiness x x x
Published On: 10/20/2007 03:36 PM
Oh wow it has been a while since I last posted on here - sorry.
I had the chance to go away with some of my good friends this weekend and have a guys weekend, but the desire to dress was just too strong, so instead I have spent all day dressed and it has been heaven. Nothing feels more natural to me than being dressed as a little girl in a thick, wet, stinky nappy. I really am becoming more of a sissy. And I love it!
Sure I had some moments when I thought I wished I had gone, but they were very, very few. Most of the time as I twirled around in all my frillies I felt more alive than I have done in a while. I think also this is another corner turned. Dressing is becoming more and more important whilst my male life less and less. Goody!! Thats how it should be!! Hoorah for being a sissy!!
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