There are times when i feel like i just don't work in this world.  like i don't fit with how the world is.  i hate the daily grind.  i hate money.  i try to help people and don't understand why i can't just do that.  I'm exausted.  i'm tired of this.  everything the same every day. nothing changing.  nothing growing.  i'm stagnating  and i hate myself for it.  I touch some lives and i in no way want to belittle that.  but i can't truly help my loved ones in the world and i hate it.  some days i just wanna go to sleep for an eternity.  i'm not sure why i'm writting this.  i wanted to try and make my blog a happier place.  but i guess i'm just not that happy a person.  those i love bring great joy to my life but i lack the resources to help them and be with them.  maybe i'm broken... i don't know really.  its not that i'm lazy just that the everyday work life just tears at my soul.  i'm unemployed and terrified of finding "real" work.  i don't want a 9-5.  i dont' want an office.  i want to be free.  I can only pray that i find the opportunity to do so before i sink so deep that i can't do anything anymore.

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